Small book of secrets
by Blackhatred
Summary: This is based of of my story 'Black dragon's child'. In that story I mentioned a journal that ooc Natsu owned. These are the written contents of that journal. Irregular update warning.
1. Chapter 1

Just so you know this will be starting after Natsu's parents and sister died, its mostly for me to remember all the crap I need to include in my story...I hope its interesting enough.

* * *

Its been six days. Six days since my village was destroyed, six days since mom, dad, and nee-san died. Its still hurts to think about it, I'm crying again. I feel so weak. I couldn't help them and now I can't help myself. I found this book in a hut I had to steal food from, I feel guilty. Mother wouldn't be proud but father always said: ''Do anything to survive''. I'm now stuck in a cave, its cold and smelly but its the only shelter I could find.

I wanna go home. I miss everyone.

Year X717

September 3rd

* * *

I need water and food. I'm having bad dreams. I keep seeing them die, over again and again and again. I feel tired but something is telling me not to sleep, the cut on my neck is bleeding again. For some reason part of the blood is yellow, its gross and smells bad. Its beginning to sting and feels puffy, the same thing happened ounce when Haku-nee got a wire stuck in her leg. She had to go to the doctors, I kept telling her that if she ate her apples she wouldn't have to go. An apple a day keeps the doctors away after all.

I really want to see her again, she doesn't seem so annoying now that she's gone.

Same year

October 23rd

* * *

I lost the calender, its hard to keep track of the days on the wall. The rocks are hurting my hands, mom could fix them. If her head was okay, that was scary, I keep dreaming about it. I don't like the dark.

I think its November 15th

* * *

It's snowing and I'm cold, I can't feel my toes. I left the cave and I'm trying not to wake up these bears that are sleeping. I think I can see smoke from her-

* * *

My pencil broke. They smoke was coming from a building in a village. They helped me, gave me food,water, fresh clothes. The cut on my neck was bandaged, they said I had a infection. It sounds as gross at it feels. I have to stay at the doctor's but I made a friend. His name Hejoru, he's 8 only a year older than me. I want to stay here forever and start my life again. I feel happy.

Year X727

January 2nd

* * *

I think that there is a girl who likes Hejoru. She thinks I'm a girl and calls me a love rival. I'm not a girl and my hair is not pink! Its salmon! I'm trying to get them together but Hejoru says she's annoying and won't talk to her. She is kinda loud, but pretty as well. Her hair is purple and she has big green eyes. Hejoru's hair is brown and he has brown eyes, not as spectacular. But everyone is pretty and handsome in my eyes.

Same year

January 10th

* * *

I had to tell the adults what happened at home. I didn't like the look in their eyes, it felt degrading. As if they were feeling sorry for me. I'm trying to forget about it and keep reminding me with their stares. Just leave me alone, don't talk to me.

Same year

January 20th

* * *

Hejoru knows about what happened. One of the adults told him and then said not to mention my parents or sibling. I heard them talking while in the doctor bed. They thought I was sleeping. Now Hejoru has the same look in his eyes, that look of: I'm sorry for what happened, you must be sad. The bad dreams have come back, it's all their fault. I don't like the adults here. I don't like them at all.

February 1st

* * *

I lost the book, but now I found it. The girl that likes Hejoru must have taken it, I can tell by the way she looks at me. She avoids me as well, I hate her. I shouldn't say that. Its wrong to hate, but...I do.

March 5th

* * *

Hejoru's mom has gotten sick. She shares a room with me but I have to wear a mask. She looks weird. She hasn't woken up yet, she kinda looks like one of the dead people from my village. Just laying there. Motionless.

March 7th

* * *

She died. It took the doctors a while to realize that she wasn't sleeping. I stared as they covered her with a blanket. I'm in a new room now, Hejoru yelled at me and blamed me for his mom's death. He said that I brought bad luck from my home and killed her. He said I killed my parents and sister. Did I really? Is it all my fault?

March 20th

* * *

The adults are talking about what Hejoru said. They give me mean looks. One of them stole my book just like the girl. He read it because he asked why I didn't like the adults.

April 13th

* * *

My birthday is coming up, Hejoru apologized and promised to celebrate with me. His dad doesn't want him to. None of the adults do.

April 29th

* * *

Hejoru is dead. We were playing hide and seek in the woods. I found him like that, his throat torn up and bloody. His eyes were open but blank. Wide with fear. He just stared at the sky. I tried to fix him. Got my hands all bloody, his dad found me and accused me. I didn't hurt Hejoru. I didn't hurt Hejoru's mom. I didn't hurt my family. Stop hurting me. Why did he try to kill me.

I didn't do any thing.

May 1st

* * *

Happy birthday to me. My at hurts so its hard to write. Hejoru's dad hit me and I had to run away. My eyes is puffy. I'm 8 now. I'm a big boy.

May 3rd

* * *

Its hard to breath. I got lost in the forest and couldn't find the ditch I left my book in. I had a colander from Hejoru's room so I know the date. I'm hungry. There's a stream nearby but I'm to tired to catch he fish. Maybe if I rest I'll have the energy to move tomorrow.

July 8th

* * *

Yeh so that's just one page of Natsu's thoughts. I hope you found this interesting. Its fun to write...I'm going to continue


	2. Chapter 2

Lamy damy gam

* * *

A dragon saved me, or my hallucinations have gotten worse. Its staring at me right now. It's mostly black with blue designs on its scales. Though its eyes are a bright yellow, kinda creepy. I met him two days ago, I wish he had just killed me. I don't want to live any more.

July 20th

* * *

I met a girl today. I'm afraid she might die. I'm trying to avoid her. She's really pretty, and nice. I hate making her sad when I ignore her. It's for the best.

Turns out I wasn't hallucinating. I have met the dragon of apocalypse Achnologioa. Rival of the dragon king Igneel. He taught me something interesting, I can make fire. Just a small spark when I snap my fingers but something at least. I think this is magic. ...Dad told me about magic ounce. He said he had telepathy while mom had mind control. He said that's what brought them together, the similarity in their powers.

Maybe I will meet a Lava girl

August 10th

* * *

This dragon is a real jerk. He's always threatening to eat me but then says I would taste like shit. I don't know what shit means but I know it's a mean word. I can make a flame now, but it hurts and its black. Despite that he seems happy, maybe at the pain this is causing me. I dunno, and I get the urge to break something. And burn it.

September 1st

* * *

I am friends with the girl now. Her name is Yana, it really suits her. She has long blue hair and is just a year younger than me. Her eyes are a lovely green, she told me that my eyes were a nicer green than hers. I looked in a mirror but they had changed, the used to be lighter, now they look dark and cloudy. But green all the same.

September 10th

* * *

Mom and dad ounce said that I would find some one special that I would want to spend forever with. I think Yana is that person. I can smile around her, I can feel happy again. But I have a rival, some ugly guy named Koru. It's apparent that we all have green eyes...strange. He's really annoying.

September 20th

* * *

Its getting really cold. Achnologia got mad when I asked for a jacket. I'm shivering and its making it hard to write. I should just ask Yana if I could stay at her house. None of them know about what happened to me. I don't want to tell them, I don't want them to look at me with sorrowful looks.

October 1st

* * *

Yana just reminded me about Halloween, how did I even forget. I can't seem to remember a lot of things. When's my birthday again? The beginning of summer? I can just look back on my writing to see.

October 11th

* * *

I told Yana about my past. She didn't give me that look, I'm glad. I found somebody I can talk to withought having them judge me. When I told her about Hejoru she said she wouldn't leave me. She won't leave me. I'll protect her always.

October 21st

* * *

Its Halloween. I stole some of Achnologia's scale sheddings, he doesn't want me to talk with the people here. He doesn't know where I go during the day. He doesn't ask. Anyways, I used his scales to make a dragon suit. Its big enough for Yana and I to fit. She wants to be the head I'll let her. Anything to make her happy.

October 31st

* * *

I must have smelt odd when I came back because Achnologia asked if I was around any humans. I didn't want to lie, he stared at me. He said that I was going to have a lesson tomorrow so I should tell my friends goodbye for a while. I get a bad feeling, I should leave this here. If he's using fire it might get burned.

October 31st

* * *

Achnologia made me sit on melting rock. It hurt but I didn't burn. He laughed at me while I screamed. This went on for a while until the heat no longer hurt me, Achnologia then covered me with fire. That didn't hurt either. Its cool but, I no longer feel human.

Year X737

February 12th

* * *

I missed Christmas. I had actually forgotten that. My memory is getting really bad. I'm having bad dreams again. Yet I can't remember the faces of those who die in my dreams. Mother used to comfort me when this happened, Achnologia does nothing. Yana got me a present, it was a magical pen. Never runs out of ink, and is erasable. I'm using it now, it has her scent. Though, since when could I tell the difference between how people smell. I must be some sort of freak now. Maybe Yana won't want to stay with me. I have to find her a gift any ways, to repay her.

February 13th

* * *

Why are there so many holidays I've forgotten? Why are there so many is such a small amount of time? Yana just told me that today was valentines day. She gave me chocolates, Koru gave her a pink teddy bear. That idiot, she hates pink. But I didn't get her any thing, again. There are a few cocoa trees about a mile from here, I can make her chocolate. I can even write her a song. Mother said I had a musical talent. Father taught me piano, I miss them. Its hurts to think about them.

Frebuary 14th

* * *

I did it. I made chocolate. They came out looking like stones but they're soft. I should've added more sugar and milk though. Their a bit bitter. I gave them to her after I wrote her this poem (I was too lazy to write an actual song).

Like the sun you lighten my day

You guide me from going astray

You lead me through the black of night

You hold me close you hold me tight

I know you won't leave

I trust you won't abandon me

You brighten my life

Keep me in line

Help me through darkness

Comfort me in my time of need

You will forever hold a place in my heart that no one shall take

You are special to me

Happy Valentine's day

My one and only

Yana

I guess it's a bit to mushy. Her face went read when I red it to her. She laughed and said that my face didn't match the words. Well I guess that a blank face isn't the best expression to read mushy crap with. But she promised to keep it. That made me smile. She glowed when I smiled.

March 5th

* * *

...a review made me feel kinda bad


	3. Chapter 3

Stuff happened...gomenasai

* * *

Koru tried to fight me. Of course that weakling lost, he doesn't even know magic. He should just die already. I've really been thinking about killing him, and destroying everything.

March 10th

X737

* * *

Somethings wrong with me. The dark magic, it hurts. My heart feels like its burning. I destroyed a village, I killed all of those people. Achnologia praised me for it. Why? Why would he want me too hurt all of those people? Yana found out, apparently her cousin lived over there. She didn't know I did it. She cried, it's all my fault.

I'm a monster.

March 14th

* * *

I can't remember what happened last month. But I woke up in front a red dragon. I tried and failed to kill it. I don't know why I wanted to harm the dragon. I just really wanted to kill something. Sometimes I wake up laughing, covered in blood.

May 17th

* * *

The red dragon's name is Igneel. I don't know where Achnologia went. Igneel is supposed to help me. im worried about Yana. What if she dies while I'm out here. What if I go back only to find her rotting corpse in the middle of a field. Just Hejoru, she might disappear, just like Hejoru, and Haku.

May 20th

* * *

I can make my flames red now. But they turn black on random occasions. Igneel says that Acnologia is doing something to fix that, I looked at him and must have made a face because he suddenly turned and walked back into his cave. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. Fuck him and his problems, as the towns people say

At least before I burned them.

June 1st

* * *

I. Can. Eat. Fire. Igneel forcibly crammed my mouth full of flames burning my tonsils. Hurt like hell, as he says, after it stopped slowly killing me and I managed to chew it. Taste delicious, not gonna explain the flavor. Mostly because I can't and I don't want to.

June 10th

* * *

Achnologia came back, he was not happy. He and Igneel had an argument. I wonder what he was so mad about. I'm on his back now, he isn't talking to me, I don't think I should tell him that igneel taught me the dragons language. I can read and speak it fluently. I'll keep it to myself, he's still angry. I should just leave him alone.

June 20th

* * *

Yana is okay. She's mad because I was gone so long. something seems different though, I feel like something will happen. I should watch over Yana for the night, just to keep her safe.

July 1st

* * *

I fell asleep. And someone killed her. I'm an idiot, I couldn't protect her, Hejoru, or Haku. What good am I, why won't Achnologia kill me. Yana was dismembered her limps where scattered about the room in small puddles of blood. She had been decapitated, probably afterwards considering the drying tears on her face and the fear permanently staining her forever open eyeys. I sat there and laughed, laughed at my stupidity, laughed at how easily she was killed, laughed at how many people have died. I must have been really loud because her mom came in. She screamed and fainted, her dad came soon after. I took Yana's head and jumped through the window. As I'm writing this I'm combing her hair. I put then in pigtails, they look so cute on her.

July 2nd

* * *

I persevered Yana's head and sealed it away. Achnologia has been mumbling about "stupid human emotions" maybe if I stop feeling the pain will go away. I just don't have to care, get rid of emotions. So I can't love ever again.

July 10th

* * *

Achnologia trapped me in a mountain. I think he took a sneak at my journal. Some indigenous people live here, he wants me to kill them. To kill innocents, show this world that it can't control me.

July 30th

* * *

All of the indigenous people have been reduced to ash. Every man, woman, and child is dead. I feel nothing, they ment nothing to me. I ate their food and drank their water. There valuables are stored away so I can sell them. I escaped by myself Achnologi was surprised to see me. He actually smiled at me, maybe he was happy with how easily I ended hundreds of lives. I feel better though, I don't miss Yana anymore.

August 1st

* * *

We moved away from the village and once inhabited mountain. I can turn my flames white, they expand and kill anything it touches while causing an explosion. I form them in spheres and let them sink into the ground. Even Acnologia won't touch them, I'm tempted to kill him in his sleep.

August 10th

* * *

Another village another person wants to befriend me. I'm actually curious to see how they'll die. Maybe i'm killing them in my sleep. Though I wonder why everyone keeps dyeing around me. Maybe im a curse, a demon spawn who happened to fertilize inside a human woman.

August 20th

* * *

the new kid is nine like me but a bit older and a lot taller. He's mature for his age, or at least that's what the villagers said. He felt the need to tell me everything about himself, I now know that his birthday is october 10th. So he'll be ten soon, he skipped grades and is already in middle school, he doesn't have any parents and lives at an orphanage. I stopped listening when he got into his personal life. And he talks so fast I didn't get his name. He has relatively long black hair spiky but not like my own, and he has baby blue eyes. I feel like I can relate to him, though he smiles and occasionally laughs. He follows me around even though I havent said we were friends. Oh well, I wonder how long it will take before he's murdered.

September 1st

* * *

Its getting cold, though I don't really feel it. The other kids name is Sora, he keeps asking if I'm cold. Eventually I'm going to set myself on fire so he'll shut up. Sora's not really annoying just too concerned about me, always asking if I am hungry or tired as if I can't walk for five minutes without being exhausted. Baka. He dragged me to his orphanage and it's actually not bad, the caretaker are considerate and even asked if i needed a place to stay. The kids there are happy or at least that's how they looked. The girls literally attacked me and wouldn't stop touching my hair and talking about how adorable I was. Bitches please I'm drop dead gorgeous, don't get it twisted. I'm also blindingly handsome, but adorable? No, I'm not cute I'm not adorable and I'm not pretty.

Damn them and their idiocy.

September 10th

* * *

Yes this took ages and no in don't have an apology chapter, school is starting and I'm out shopping every day. I hate shopping, I'm stressed and I have to be in class at 7:45 in the morning. I'm doing my best here. I'm gonna take a nap, have a good day. And no, Natsu is not old enough to curse.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm so miserable right now

* * *

Sora decided to drag me to school with him. Of course more girls decided to call me cute, I ignored them. The guys there are jerks and always push Sora around, I'll deal with them when I can. I was separated from them and sent to a fourth grade teacher was explaining magic and one guy made a breeze in the classroom and everyone cheered him on. I was sitting in the back not really paying attention and the guy got mad. He challenged me at recess and blew sand in my eyes. The other kids laughed, there not laughing now. I hate them, I hate everyone.

September 20th

* * *

Yana's dad is here. He came looking for me. The villagers think he's a family friend. Maybe I should kill him, but then Yana would be mad at me. I'm brushing her hair again, I putting it in one big pony tail. I hope she doesn't hate me. I wonder if her mom's ok. Her dad looks crazy. I hide in the trees when he passes by. I tell Sora to look away. I haven't told him my situation, I don't want to know what he'll say. I sound like a coward, I should just let Yana's dad kill me. Though, strangely I'm reluctant to die.

October 1st

* * *

Sora's talking about Halloween. Yana loved Halloween, I said I would be a dragon demon and he said he would be a demon ruler. I took some more of Achnologias sheddings, I'll cover my face if Yanas dad is still looking for me.

October 20th

* * *

My costume is almost finished, I found some of Achnologias broken nail pieces. I washed them first then bent them into horns. I look badass with horns, I covered all of my skin with the scales and found some black Rockies for pointed nails. All I need is a red shirt, black pants, and a cape. I'll walk out looking fresh...I don't even know what I'm saying. I have to go steal some money.

October 30th

* * *

So, my hair wasn't coveted up properly and the bastard found me. Sora still doesn't know I can use magic so he attempted to protect me. Yanas dad needs to be more considerate to bystanders instead of kicking them in the face. In reaction I burned him, I made sure to use orange flames so he should be fine after a while. I picked up Sora and his candy bag, the nearby villagers just stared with their mouths agape. well now this life is over, might as well leave and save them all the trouble of dying, or getting rid of me. or some of them dying and then the est trying to kill me.

If Sora dies then it will really look like my fault, Yana's dad looked surprised when I beat him down. He will definitely not believe anything I say now. Whatever, I don't need people. I don't need anyone in this goddamn world.

october 31st

* * *

Yana's dad was banished, apparently im important. I got scolded for scaring the jerks at school but then the village praised me. But how can I be happy when i know that just as it gets good Sora will die. If he dies ill stop talking to people. I'll stop socializing and become a thief to get new clothes. I have to keep away from humanity, im not one of them any more. I'll fall into the flames, where I belong.

November 10th

* * *

I don't think I should go back, I know what's about to happen. Why am I reluctant to go. Sora probably feels like I left because of him. I haven't been back in three months. I'll go next week, I hope sora hasn't died. I don't think I can take anymore.

February 15th

Year X747

* * *

Everyone is OK Sora was upset and acting really awkward but otherwise OK. I'm back in school with him, he insisted that I was in his classes, like I said he's acting weird. But I'm cool with it 'cuts that means I can beat up his bullys. They make fun off my hair and unfortunately round face calling me a girl and shit like that. And yeh my eyes are pretty big but I still look good, they be all slanted and menacing and like I look boss so everything is cool. I sound like an idiot... What's happening to me.

February 23rd

* * *

So apparently I'm not the only fire mage in town, some kid and his dad wanna train with me. The kid goes to Sora's school, he's one of the bullies. Maybe I can get rid of him in an ''accident''. Yes, I will do that.

March 5th

* * *

I haven't been sleeping well, Sora keeps asking about the bags under my eyes. It's just that, I get the feeling as if someone is about to kill me. I have dreams of being murdered, I woke up one night and I couldn't move, I couldn't speak either. I saw Yana's mom coming towards me with a knife, her blue hair cut short and dirty. Before she stabbed me she disappeared and I could move again. I instantly went over to where Achnologia was. He stirred when I sat next to him and looked at me slightly surprised. I never really get close to him, his flames always hurt. They burn in my veins, I hate it.

March 20th

* * *

Achnologia is teaching me how to break my fall using flames. He said he'll drop me from a tree and I'll have to basically hover before hitting the ground. That can't be too bad, the trees around here aren't that big. What could happen?

* * *

well this one came out kinda crappy...meh

and a heads up for the next chapter.

I. DONT. WANT. ANY. BULLSHIT.

Something happens that some people may not like, might hate even. then there are others who will fawn over this with tears and smiles.

don't flame, im not having any romance in this so don't be a bitch.

please excuse my language.


	5. Chapter 5

Like I said in the previous chapter, please don't flame. There will not be a couple and Sora will die anyways.

* * *

Achnologia that bastard. I could have died! He threw me off a freaking 60 story high tree, where in the world do you find a tree that big! I felt my heart stop as I fell, the ground coming fast. I could almost see myself splattered on the grass. My innards spraying everywhere like Haku's. Strangely at that moment instead of sadness I felt a deep anger, it mingled with my pitiful hatred and as soon as the thoughts of killing those who harmed my sister flitted into my mind. I was lying there, on the ground no injuries no pain. Achnologia flapped above me looking perplexed. There is something seriously wrong with me. I maybe I am the one killing my friends, that sounds cliché. Have I said that before? Whatever I feel sick.

April 10th

* * *

Sora's language arts teacher is making us do a life encyclopaedia. Apparently for each letter of the alphabet we have to write something relating to us. Like today we started with A.

A is for anger

Sometimes I sit and think of everything I've been through and instead of feeling sad. I'm filled with burning fury. I think of how many hurt me in my life and I think of how much I hate them, how I wish I could hurt them. I have long stopped crying, no longer will I self-pity. I will have my vengeance. And they will burn in hares.

Sora gave me a sad look, he said that if I ever wanted to talk I could. It made me feel guilty for condemning him to an early death.

April 12th

* * *

I didn't sleep last night. I kept hearing a voice in the back of my head. It was telling me to burn Sora's town. Of course I ignored it. But that made me think and ask this same question. Have I really been a murderer all this time? Curiosity prompted me to keep a rabbit as a pet. While petting it I forced myself to re live everyone's deaths. I looked back at the bunny, it wasn't hurt. But it looked scared, Achnologia was staring at me too. He didn't answer me when I asked what was wrong.

April 20th

* * *

I knew someone else was after me. I almost didn't recognise him. Hejoru's father, he found lying in the grass and tried to choke me. He...he's dead now. Achnologia killed him. I sat and watched the dragon crush him. Then eat him. He knocked me out after that, I wonder what face I made. And I know I said something, I wonder what.

April 30th

* * *

kinda broke down in front of Sora during break a few dates ago. I told him about everything, and like Yana he didn't pity me. He hugged me and said everything would be ok. I wish I could believe him. He stayed really close to me so I made him a deer. He and some other orphans ate it during their tea time, he said. I felt better after that. He's taking his end of the year test soon. The adults have agreed to let me move on without it. I'll go train instead, Sora wants to come with me. He said he would complete all his Exams in a day so we could hang out. I think I actually smiled, albeit half heartedly.

I'm ten now. I just happened to realise that when I went to read through my journal. Sora's test isn't until Thursday so he and I ditched to celebrate. He bought me cake, ice cream, and a card. I had to wait at the end of the road though. Sora was upset that I didn't tell him and didn't believe that I forgot. I was having a good time hanging with him until I found out that he likes guys. I don't hate him for that...I mean I can't see why he can't like other guys. I was just surprised that it was me. His exact words were ''Ya know Natsu, I really like you,'' I didn't get his meaning until ''And more like a friend, more like a brother,''

I kinda stared at him and he looked away, ''A like-like thing ya know?''

My reaction was bad, I got up and walked away. I have to apologise, but what would you do if your friend said he liked you in the mushy way but you didn't see them that way. Poor Sora, maybe if I leave now he can find someone else.

But he'll die, he'll die liking someone he shouldn't.

May 3rd

* * *

I havent seen Sora in a few weeks now. He's not at school and the orphanage says he wont talk to me. So if he's gonna be an idiot then fine, Achnologia says we need to leave soon anyways. I'll try to find him next week. Maybe I can apologise then.

May 10th

* * *

Sora was at school again, but he's avoiding me. I caught up to him during recess and forced him to listen to me. I apologised and said we could still be friends and he began to cry, I didn't really know what to do so I patted his head and asked what was wrong. He said I was being to nice to a disgusting fag like him. That's what the bullies all call him, a fag. I said he wasn't disgusting and that there was no reason for him to think that there was something wrong with liking the same gender. He got up and hugged me, I don't like hugs.

So now Sora is acting just like before, always asking if I'm ok or if something is confusing at school. He's always offering me candy or chips, I think I'm developing a large appetite. I think I can protect Sora if anything tries to hurt him, just saying that gives me a bad feeling.

May 20th

* * *

Well that's the end of that...I think it came out alright


End file.
